


Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 13-Afraid of Americans

by egyptian



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egyptian/pseuds/egyptian
Summary: And season one mercifully draws to a close.





	Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 13-Afraid of Americans

[We see a montage of shots, showing each of the contests and it's outcome. Under each outcome shot it shows the score between the Foreign Exchange Club and Sakai's School Spirit Society. At the end we see a club photo of the Foreign Exchange Club, then a red ring with a bar appears. We hear a door slamming noise, then see the word “BANISHED” appear beneath them]

[Roll opener]

[Cut to Seifun High School. We see students walking to classes, students in the halls, participating in normal activities, that sort of thing. The final cut is workers carrying boxes out of the Foreign Exchange clubroom. The Tea Ceremony girls are watching with evil glee from across the way. We close on this part with the “Peligro” sign being taken down. The tea Ceremony club girls cheer as the last stuff is carried away. Cut to outside. All of the members of the Foreign Exchange Club are sitting on the front steps looking depressed]

Shizu: I am so so sorry!

Kumiko: This isn't your fault. There are a lot of people to blame but you aren't one of them.

Kiku: (hugging Shizu) Yeah! You did your best and you were awesome!

Yayoi: Well I guess this is it. See you guys later.

[Yayoi turns to leave, Lynn stands up abruptly]

Lynn: Where are you going?

Yayoi: Home I guess. The club is gone, we're not supposed to hang around out here, what else am I supposed to do?

Oki: (sighing) Yeah, I guess it's back to the boring Go Club for me. Anything to stay away from those snobby track and field girls.

Lynn: I can't believe what I'm hearing. Are you all just giving up now?

Gin: What else are we supposed to do? We're up to our necks in trouble as it is, we're not allowed to hang out together anymore. Face it, we lost. I probably won't see any of you again until this summer.

[They all sigh, then turn and look at the gymnasium. Maya finally gets up and throws a rock at the gym]

Kumiko: Don't do that. Someone is going to say something and then...

Maya: (interrupting) Then what? We're in trouble? Are we going to get in double trouble? Maybe triple trouble? Are they going to invent a new kind of detention? Like Super Detention? Will it have powers and abilities beyond those of normal detention? 

Lynn: Maya is right! This is crap and we shouldn't just lie down and take it!

Junko: But we don't have any choice /but/ to take it. There's nothing we can do now.

Gin: Yeah. Maybe if I get into a normal club, turn my grades around a bit I can get into a real college still. It might not be too late.

Lynn: (angrily) The real Nakamura Gin would never roll over and allow herself to be cheated like this. (face to face with Gin) She would fight back!

[Gin can't look at Lynn, she turns her head away and frowns]

Lynn: Maya, are you with me or with the quitters?

Maya: I'm with you!

Kiku: We're not quitters! We just....

Lynn: You just don't want to get into trouble anymore?

Kiku: (head hanging) Yeah.

Lynn: Well let me tell you something. I am a born and bred American girl, from Joliet Illinois in the heartland of the USA. If there is anything that is central to being American it's that if someone cheats you, you don't put up with it. When the King of England cheated us, we went to war and started our own country! Now I can't expect you to understand why I am the way I am all the time. I sure don't understand you guys all the time. What I do know, is that nobody is more loyal than the Japanese. Every last one of you was loyal to the Foreign Exchange Club. Well, the club is dead. You've got an option. Either you can go home like good girls, smile and be polite like it's all okay or you can rise up as one and defend the honor of your banished and defeated club!

[Everyone looks kind of glum, rather than fired up by the speech]

Lynn: I see. Well then this is where we part ways. Tomorrow the Sakai School Spirit Society is going to be given their stupid trophy at a special ceremony at their school. I am going to be there to bust up the festivities. If any of you are my friends you'll either stop me, or you'll help me. 

[Lynn stomps off. Maya looks back and forth, then starts to follow Lynn]

Maya: See you guys later.

[The foreign Exchange girls sit around with their chins in their hands sulking and looking sad. Finally Nanae breaks the silence]

Nanae: Crap, she's right. If I don't do something I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror.

[Nanae walks off, trying to follow the others. Cut to the Principal's office. The damaged wall is being repainted. Ms Asuhara and Mrs Gedo are also here]

Principal: (into phone) Yes, I'd be happy to be there. Yes, yes thank you very much. Alright, I'll se you then. (hangs up)

Mrs. Gedo: Was that Principal Kozu?

Principal: Yes, he was just inviting me formally to the presentation of the trophy tomorrow.

Ms Asuhara: Do you think it's safe to go?

Principal: Are you still convinced that the Foreign Exchange Club is going to try and crash the party?

Mrs Gedo: Is there any doubt that they will try to do something?

Principal: Oh I expect something. Perhaps a few eggs thrown at a window, underpants on Sakai's flagpole maybe. I doubt it will be anything bad. I think they're done now.

Ms. Asuhara: Why /did/ you let this go on so long anyway? I mean, that club had the biggest troublemakers in the school all together in one place.

Principal: For just that reason! All of my problem students together. There's no way for us to control bad students completely, so why not leave them a way to channel their bad behavior, get that out of their system? They're good girls, even Ms Nakamura to be honest. For whatever reason they're all misfits, except when they're together. I thought that if we gave them a group where they fit in and a chance to release that youthful energy, then maybe they would straighten out on their own. But now of course that's all done, isn't it?

Ms Asuhara: (mmms) Yes, well I respectfully disagree with you on one point. I don't think the final chapter is written.

Mrs. Gedo: I agree. They're going to do something.

Principal: (considers for a moment) You might be right. You might be right.

[cut to the Tea Ceremony Club setting up their stuff in the old Foreign Exchange Club room. They have their table set up and several mats. One of them is vigorously scrubbing out their tea pot]

Tea Club #1: At last! Even if those stupid Sakai girls decided not to help us transfer schools it's nice to finally get the good room!

Tea Club #2: The room we deserved!

Tea Club #3: Hey, what's that thing? 

[The Tea Club girls gather in the middle of the room and look up. On the ceiling is one of the claymore mines from the paintball episode]

Tea Club #2: Face towards enemy? What does that mean?

[Cut to an exterior shot of the building. We hear a BANG and see blue paint spray over the window of the Foreign Exchange Club room]

[Cut to Sakai High, a high shot to show us which school it is. Cut to a shot of the back of the school, where decorations and celebratory signs have been set up. There's also a grandstand set up and a platform with the trophy on it. The grandstand is full of Sakai High girls sitting, enjoying snacks and chatting. On the platform are Principal Kozu, Sakai #1 and Sakai #2]

Sakai #1: Where's Seifun High's principal? Wasn't he supposed to be here for this?

Kozu: He had to cancel at the last minute. Some sort of family emergency.

Sakai #2: Ah, how unfortunate.

Kozu: Well, we don't really need him here, do we? (takes up a microphone) Attention? Attention please! It's time for the presentation of the Rivalry Cup!

[The girls in the grandstand cheer and generally calm down enough to listen. Kozu has a couple of students bring the trophy to the front of the stage]

Kozu: The winners of the Seifun High/Sakai High Tournament is our own Sakai High School Spirit Society!

[The girls cheer, and Sakai #1 & 2 both wave and enjoy the moment.]

Kozu: And now to speak a few words on the behalf of her club is...

[Kozu is cut off by the roar of a terrible engine. Everyone turns and looks as the Exchange Club's racecar rumbles up. It pulls between the grandstand and the stage, roaring and belching smoke. When the engine finally dies we see Lynn standing on the back, dressed like a Road Warrior character, complete with hockey mask. Maya is behind the wheel, wearing a white helmet but otherwise out of sight in the tight cockpit. Lynn takes out a microphone of her own]

Lynn: Sakai S3s! Your criminal and villainous ways may have earned you a hollow victory, but we're here to make certain that you don't benefit from what you've done. We've come for that trophy...our trophy, the trophy that is the rightful property of the immortal Foreign Exchange Club. (she turns to the grandstand) You we don't care about. If you leave we will not follow. We only want the S3s. If you value your lives you should just walk away. We won't chase you, we won't hurt you. Just walk away.

Sakai #1: Are you freaking kidding? There's only two of you! We've got 300 people on our side. If we decide to beat you two up and throw your shoes in the drainage ditch who's to stop us? You're outnumbered 150 to 1!

Nanae voiceover: You mean 100 to 1, don't you?

[Nanae swings down from the roof of Sakai High on a rope, landing on the stage hard enough to make everyone there fall over. The Sakai S3s start to swarm towards the stage. Nanae looks like she's going to have to take them on alone, then suddenly Shizu runs out, shoving Sakai #1 backwards, causing them all to fall backwards into a big pile. Shizu is dressed like Ziggy Stardust, complete with platform boots and crazy red hair. The girls on the grandstand start to surge forwards. Lynn and Maya look at them, but before they can move Kumiko and Ming run out with paintball guns and drive them back. Kumiko is dressed like Captain Avatar, Ming like Derek Wildstar. All of the Foreign Exchange girls circle together, the Sakai girls forming a ring around them to prevent their escape. We see Junko pop up with her friends dressed like General Patton, Gin like a feudal Shogun lord]

Lynn: You all came! I knew you'd be here.

Kumiko: You have a uniquely Japanese grasp of the proper application of shame. I bow to your abilities.

Gin: Yeah, who could miss out on getting their asses kicked by every girl in Sakai High?

Junko: Don't worry, we still have help coming!

Lynn: We do?.....you didn't!

[Junko holds up the surplus radio. Cut to a line of B-52 bombers flying over Tokyo. Cut to the cockpit of the bomber, where the pilots are singing 'O Fortuna' from Carmina Burana. Cut to exterior of the bomber, where we see the bomb bay open, then bombs start to fall. We can see the arclight of the bombs hitting on the ground. Cut to an exterior shot on the ground, where we see the huge blasts. The Sakai girls run around like headless chickens panicking. We see a bomb hit the teacher's parking lot, the bomb covering everything in blue paint. Bombs continue to go off all around, dousing the Sakai students and faculty in paint. The S3s form up in an angry blue mob]

Sakai #1: This is unforgivable! We are not letting this go unpunished! Get the weapons!

[One of the Sakai girls passes out bamboo swords to all the S3s. The let out a battle shout, then start to charge]

Gin: Oh man, here comes the pain!

Nanae: Haha!

Gin: How can you laugh at a time like this?

Nanae: You're not the only one who can have a surprise planned.

Gin: You have something?

Nanae: I don't ...Kiku does! Look!

[Nanae points and we see a line of horses. Kiku is dressed in white Bedoin gear and surrounded by other girls on horseback. The words 'SEIFUN HORSE APPRECIATION SOCIETY' appear at the bottom of the screen. Cut back to the girls. The Sakai S3s charge and start hitting them with the bamboo swords. Cut back to Kiku, who cries out]

Kiku: No prisoners! No prisoners!

[The horses charge, each rider drawing an oversized paper fan as they ride up. They start to fight their way through the S3s and the regular Sakai students.]

Lynn: We might have a chance!

Kumiko: We /do/ have a chance! One last surprise!

[there's a long pause, then Yayoi runs up dressed as Flava Flav. She hunches over and catches her breath]

Yayoi: Finally here. So...far....

Lynn: Who did you bring.

Yayoi: I brought the Wu-Tang Clan!

[Yayoi gestures, the camera scrolls to the side and we see a group of figures walking ominously through the fog. The fog passes and we see a number of rough looking martial artists]

Lynn: Ooh, the /real/ Wu Tang Clan!

[The martial artists join the fray and our girls start to make their escape]

Gin: Before we go, one last parting gift.

[Gin hits a button on a remote and we hear a terrible explosion. We see explosions on the roof of the school. Garbage cannons rain trash on the fleeing Sakai girls. Paint runs down the wall of Sakai high, painting it in Seifun's school colors. A banner unfurls, which is revealed to be the old 'Don't Tread On Me' flag]

[Maya climbs out of the cockpit of the car. She's dressed like Evel Knevel]

Maya: Well guys, it's been a hoot but I think it's time we got out of here. I hope you all thought of escape routes, because I sure did!

[Maya runs over to a nearby bush. She runs out the other side with a Harley Davidson painted to look like the classic Evel Knevel bike. Maya climbs on, revs the motor up and takes off across the field. She hits a ramp and jumps ten school buses. Maya manages to land the bike, turning and racing down the street]

Lynn: I don't believe it. She actually got to do her stunt spectacular.

Ming: My turn next I think. Lynn, it's actually been fun. See you this summer. C'mon Yayoi, let's go!

Yayoi: But I just got here. Nobody even got to see my costume yet!

[Ming and Yayoi run across the school yard. They dash towards a Toyota Supra painted hemi orange with a black 01 painted on the side. The roof has a Rising Sun flag and says 'Admiral Yamamoto'. Yayoi slides across the hood while Ming jumps in the driver's side window. They take off in their car. We see them approaching a locked gate. Yayoi leans out the window with a samurai bow. The arrow is dynamite tipped. They blow the gate up and race off into the city.]

Lynn: (laughs) Who's next?

Kumiko: I guess I could go. See you later Lynn. We will meet again.

[Kumiko turns and walks away into the fog of battle. She pauses to look back dramatically, then disappears into the fog. A breeze blows and she has vanished]

Shizu: I wish I could disappear dramatically like that.

[Kiku rides up and pulls Shizu onto the horseback with her.]

Kiku: This was the best adventure ever!

Shizu: Thanks for everything!

[Kiku and Shizu ride away, leaving Nanae, Gin, Junko and Lynn]

Nanae: Well I don't want to be the last one left, so here I go!

[Nanae runs to the street, fighting her way past many foes who try to catch her. When she gets to the street corner she holds her hand up and stops a taxi. Nanae gets in the cab and rides off]

Gin: Not all that dramatic.

Junko: Well she did her best and that's what counts.

Lynn: Your turn next Gin? It's unlike you to be the last to flee.

Gin: Indeed. Farewell Lynn Tracy. You are truly the finest American I have ever met. I couldn't pick a nicer person to tar a roof with. Now, I go!

[Gin whips off her costume to reveal a police uniform underneath. She starts to beat feet. Junko watches Gin, then whips her own costume off to reveal a police disguise of her own. She puts on a fake mustache and says]

Junko: Hey, I can be bad sometimes too! See you Lynn!

[Gin and Junko run out to the parking lot. They jump in a police car and race off down the street. We see Sakai #1 and Sakai #2 run after her. A cab stops when they get to the street. The two girls jump inside]

Sakai #1: (to driver) Follow that police car!

[The driver-who is Belt Choke Guy smiles into the mirror]

Belt Choke Guy: Whatever you say ladies.

[Belt Choke Guy's cab pulls out, then turns around and goes the opposite way. Cut back to Lynn who is all alone on the school grounds with a number of the angry S3s around her.]

Lynn: I should have left with Ming and Yayoi. Why did we leave one at a time like that anyway?

[Lynn goes to run, then sees Junko's dropped radio. She picks it up and hot foots it.]

Lynn: Delta Fox X-Ray, do you come in Delta Fox X-Ray?

Radio: This is Delta Fox X-Ray!

Lynn: Request evac! I repeat, I need you to come get me!

[Cut to the Principal. He's walking up the street to his house. After a moment a helicopter flies past, with Lynn clinging to the ladder. A few moments later a horde of blued Sakai girls runs up]

Sakai girl: Which way did she go?

Principal: That way (points in wrong direction)

[The Sakai girls run off the wrong way. The principal turns and watches Lynn's helicopter disappear into the sunset]

Principal: It's sure going to be a lot less interesting without them.

[Cut to Kiku and Shizu holding up a banner that reads HIT IT]

Kiku and Shizu: Hit it!

[It Takes Two by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock starts playing. We see a montage, showing each of the Foreign Exchange Club members danging on the left, with a picture of their future selves on the right. Titles and text for each of the images as follows]

Maya tried to become a professional stuntwoman, astronaut, airline pilot, racecar driver, amatuer stuntwoman, lawyer, probate court judge and fishing boat captain. None of these jobs worked out for her. She is currently living the contented housewife life in Osaka.

Ming became a model, but bored of it and moved to America, where she starred in a series of low budget buddy cop movies.

Junko is the chief shareholder and CEO of Kandegawa Foods, Japan's largest exporter of Ramen and other noodle products

Kumiko graduated Tokyo University and is now a member of the Diet, where she is serving her third term.

Yayoi went into business for herself selling prints of her oil paintings. Yeah, we were surprised by that one too.

Kiku is Channel 4's beloved Weather Lady. She's not always right but we love her anyway.

Shizu formed a rock band called The Maids and went on a world tour. Four years on the road took their toll and she's currently recovering in an unnamed mental health hospital.

Nanae discovered that there's not much money in beating the hell out of people. She currently paints houses for a living and only beats people up on the weekends.

Gin is still at large. If you see a female police officer who matches her description please report her immediately.

Lynn returned to America briefly, but left later and moved to England. She is currently a teacher in Essex. Hey, that would make a pretty good setup for a show too, wouldn't it?

The Principal continued teaching for several years without pay raises or compensation. He was later promoted to Superintendant of Schools thanks to friends in the Diet. 

The Sakai S3s broke up after the final battle. It was considered bad luck at Sakai High to even mention the club.

Seifun Maximum Security High School is still there. Nobody uses the Foreign Exchange Club room anymore, just in case they too will earn the ire of those horrible vengeful girls.

[Roll closer]


End file.
